Welcome to Post-Apocalyptic Media’s Car-maggeddon Tournament, where we’ve pitted popular vehicles from various wastelands against one another in a battle to the death!
There are 20 vehicles of different shapes and sizes. Who will win and be crowned the Wasteland Winner?
Note: These vehicles are from movies only and one vehicle per movie. (And no space ships or aircraft)
How will Car-maggeddon work? Each Saturday, we will pitch two vehicles against one another based on six criteria (listed below)!
Reliability/Functionality
Does the car have a tendency to break down? To lose parts? Can you sleep in it?
Offense
Does the vehicle have any weapons or other ways to take out the competition?
Defense
What armor (if any) does it have? How hard would it be for a zombie to get inside it or for someone to take out the driver from outside?
Speed
Can it outrun any threats, or does it just trundle along?
Power
Can it ram its way out of anything holding it back?
Aesthetics
This is basically a tie-breaker. In the battle, which vehicle has a higher “coolness factor” or matches best the wasteland look?
Check out the roaster below to see upcoming battles! Once every battle is complete in Round 1, the winners will move on to round 2.
Round 1, Battle 8:
The Medusa from Bellflower (2011) vs. Frankenstein’s Monster from Death Race (2008)!
Welcome to a real monster mash! Can the Medusa turn Frankenstein’s Monster to stone? Or will it fall victim to the other vehicle’s barbaric strength?
Bellflower is an independent film from the end of the movie store era, a time when you could still go to a physical location to find quirky films. The movie is post-apocalyptic in the sense that it features two young men who spend their time prepping for an apocalypse which they believe will require flamethrowers and badass cars. The Medusa is a 1972 Buick Skylark that was fully modified for the film with offensive and defensive capabilities.
Death Race is a remake of 1975’s Death Race 2000. Also not entirely post-apocalyptic, it’s set in a dystopian future where all prisons have been privatized. One of most profitable prisons hosts the Death Race, where prisoners are given modified cars to battle to the death in hopes of winning their freedom. Jason Statham’s character takes on the nickname of “Frankenstein,” driving a 2006 Ford Mustang GT that’s been heavily modified to withstand a barrage of attacks.
While neither the Medusa nor Frankenstein’s Monster have happy endings in their respective mythology, let’s see who will survive this story!
The Vehicles:
In terms of practical use, the Medusa comes out on top. Both cars can fit passengers or store supplies, and it wouldn’t be too hard to find parts to fix either vehicle. Yet, the Medusa has the advantage with a stow-able, fold-down back seat and a much more roomy interior. The surveillance cameras set up around it ensure no one can sneak up on you when you’re taking a well-deserved break in the wasteland.
Unlike the last battle, where (useless) chandeliers were the height of vehicular modification, these two cars are kitted out in the extreme.
The Medusa does pretty well for itself for a car built by two guys in their backyard. It has two flamethrowers and a smokescreen. Unfortunately for it, Frankenstein’s Monster is armed with two mounted mini-guns that shoot 3,000 rounds per minute, as well as flamethrowers and napalm. This begs the question – if they had access to all of this stuff, why didn’t they make some sort of iron man suit to escape the prison? (the answer: we want car battles, not logic!)
In terms of defense, the Medusa also can’t hold a mirror to Frankenstein’s Monster. It takes only a baseball bat to smash in the window of the Medusa in Bellflower, where Statham’s ride is intended to withstand crashes from vehicles double its size. The entire car is covered in armored plating that would render the Medusa’s flamethrowers next to useless. Not only would Frankenstein’s Monster absolutely destroy the Medusa in a one-on-one fight, it could turtle up and protect itself much better. Yet, the Medusa’s smokescreen, if employed proactively, could confuse the driver of Frankenstein’s Monster enough to let them get a few attacks in, or at least escape.
The armor plating on Frankenstein’s Monster enables it to be much more effective at ramming through barricades, zombies, and people than the Medusa. The front bumper and grill are reinforced and the entire back-end is a solid sheet of metal, meaning it could easily back-ram something if it needed to. The Medusa has no chance.
If both cars were on the run (in both cases, probably from the cops rather than raiders), the GT would win no problem. While it is loaded down with armor, it can go 0-60 in 5.9 seconds with its V8, where the Skylark takes over double the time at 11.1. Yet, the Skylark might be slower to start, but its 2011 drift kit improves its handling, and its adjustable rear suspension gives it more clearance than the GT to traverse tough terrain.
In terms of looks, the Medusa is super cool. While the Mustang GT tries to be cool with its suicide doors, and it’s clearly tough and ready to rumble, the Medusa has higher charisma. If the cars were Fallout 4 characters, then Frankenstein’s Monster is a super mutant and the Medusa is Hancock.
In the end, sometimes it takes a monster to defeat a monster, so Frankenstein’s Monster is the one to turn the Medusa to stone, or, in this case, to rust.
WINNER, Round 1, Battle 8: Frankenstein’s Monster from Death Race!
Next Saturday, we’ll see who can survive longest: Bill the Mule from The Postman or the boat from Waterworld! Let us know in the comments, on our Facebook group, or on Twitter who you think will win! Throw in the hashtag #car-maggeddon !
Check out the other battles here:
Battle 1: Mad Max’s Pursuit Special vs. the Mustang from Cherry 2000
Battle 2: The Bus from Dawn of the Dead vs. the Tank from Tank Girl
Battle 3: Snowpeircer vs. Judge Dredd’s Law Master
Battle 4: The Mercury Marquis from Stake Land vs. Tallahassee’s Escalade from Zombieland
Battle 5: The Landmaster from Damnation Alley vs. the Panel Wagon from Hell Comes to Frogtown
Battle 6: The Cannibals’ Truck from The Road vs. the “Scoop” from Soylent Green
Battle 7: The Duke’s Cadillac from Escape from New York vs. the Bentley from Doomsday
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